It’s Been Awhile…

Yes, I know that I haven’t blogged in forever.  Life has been crazy.  The first week of school, I was constantly thinking of things I needed to blog about, but as it has now been a month, most of those things have left my mind.  I can say, however, that the past month has easily been the most trying I have ever been through, but God is good.  He has never left my side, and I’ve grown more than ever before through it all.  He has stretched me and pushed me and broken me, but in my weakness He is strong.  So what have I been up to for the last month?  Well, I’ve tried out many new things on campus.  Actually, by many things I mean many Bible studies.  I tried StuMo, but quickly decided that that wasn’t for me.  I tried out a house church through Bridgeway, but it was all 50 year olds soooo… Ya not going back there.  Then I tried Cru which I LOVE.  It really fits me, and I’ve already made so many friends through it.  Actually, two of the people in my Greek class are leaders within Cru.  Another girl in my class wants to disciple me so that’s exciting!  My favorite part of Cru is the girls Bible study on Mondays called Chara (which is incidentally a vocab word in Greek this week– it means “joy”).  It’s so refreshing to be surrounded by girls who are seeking His face and are aiming to encourage one another.  Right now we are talking about identity in Christ.  I love it.  Last night I went to the Freshman Sneak after Cru, which was just a night for Freshmen to get to know people in Cru while playing Glow Ball at Sooner Bowl.  It was fun.  I’m finally starting to make some really great friends that I love.  Two such friends are Samantha and Koby.  I spent all afternoon and evening studying, eating, and watching the Office with them.  They are precious girls and are so much fun.  Well that’s enough for now.  I must finish a paper and study for my Greek exam tomorrow.  Hopefully I’ll update sooner this time.  I wanted to share a verse that has really encouraged me the last week.  It’s James 1:2-4,12… “Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides.  You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors.  So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely.  Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way… Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate.  For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life.”

I hope that encourages you all like it did me.  Keep me updated on your lives! Love you all…

“Twice” by Christina Rossetti

I took my heart in my hand
(O my love, O my love),
I said: Let me fall or stand,
Let me live or die,
But this once hear me speak
(O my love, O my love)—
Yet a woman’s words are weak;
You should speak, not I.

You took my heart in your hand
With a friendly smile,
With a critical eye you scann’d,
Then set it down,
And said, ‘It is still unripe,
Better wait awhile;
Wait while the skylarks pipe,
Till the corn grows brown.’
As you set it down it broke—
Broke, but I did not wince;
I smiled at the speech you spoke,
At your judgement I heard:
But I have not often smiled
Since then, nor question’d since,
Nor cared for cornflowers wild,
Nor sung with the singing bird.

I take my heart in my hand,
O my God, O my God,
My broken heart in my hand:
Thou hast seen, judge Thou.
My hope was written on sand,
O my God, O my God:
Now let thy judgement stand—
Yea, judge me now.

This contemn’d of a man,
This marr’d one heedless day,
This heart take thou to scan
Both within and without:
Refine with fire its gold,
Purge Thou its dross away—
Yea, hold it in Thy hold,
Whence none can pluck it out.

I take my heart in my hand—
I shall not die, but live—
Before Thy face I stand;
I, for Thou callest such:
All that I have I bring,
All that I am I give,
Smile Thou and I shall sing,
But shall not question much.

Paint

My goal is to paint this.
Yep.

“If you feel lost and tired, this is your song…

Oh my God, shine Your light on us, that we might live…”

The Difference

I’ve spent this past week driving back and forth between Norman for work. Norman is very intimidating. It truly scares me to death. I love Norman, but, man, I miss all my friends (not to say I don’t have some lovely friends in Norman with me = ) Love you guys!). It’s just really weird. The people I work with just aren’t like the people I’ve been surrounded by my entire life… AT ALL. And yes that’s a good thing, but all in all I just miss those people I already know and love. I went to Overflow last night and was just overwhelmed by how much I miss being around only Christians. It was bizarre because I looked around and most of the people weren’t even engaged and yet it STILL felt amazing. It felt like home… Sort of… Going to college does make it a bit awkward. But the fact is that I love being in my Christian school and church bubble. I am totally content there. But last night I realized that we can’t always stay where we’re comfortable. Knowing this doesn’t exactly make me feel any better about it. In fact, it actually makes me more sad honestly. I feel like I’ve lost a beautiful thing. That bubble of protection was my childhood and I don’t want to leave it behind at all. I’ve been really having to cling to Isaiah 43:1-2, 4-5…

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you… Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you… Fear not, for I am with you.”

I believe that I’ll have little else to cling to in the weeks to come… I wish I could say that that is a reassuring thought. The verse is reassuring, but the idea of being completely thrown out of my comfort zone? Not comforting in the least… However, I know I’ll be stronger in the end. I hope I cling to my Shepherd. That’s the only way I can come out stronger…

Realizations…

Last night I realized a lot of things. God really revealed a deeply embedded issue that I need to let Him heal. It’s been affecting all of my emotions and actions for long enough, and now that I see the root, I’m ready to let Him heal me from within.

“My Love Hasn’t Grown Cold”
By: Bethany Dillon

You shake your head
What is so hard to believe?
When you are in your bed
I sing over you the sweetest things

Because oh, my love does not tire
I’m awake when the moon is full
And I know the times when you feel lost
And you just aren’t sure

Lo and behold
My love hasn’t grown cold
For you

You could steal away in the middle of the night
And hide in the light of day
While you cloak yourself in the darkest lies

But oh my love, it swims in the deepest oceans of fear
And as soon as you lower your head
I am here

Lo and behold
My love hasn’t grown cold
For you

If only you could see
How heaven stills when you speak
I know all your days
And I have wrapped you in mystery

And oh, my love for you
Is as wide as the galaxies
Just hold out your hand and close your eyes
And come be with me

Lo and behold
My love hasn’t grown cold
For you

That is the song He’s singing over me as He heals me… It’s a beautiful feeling. Sometimes it hurts, but it all heals.

And P.S. I am thankful for my accountability sisters. They are truly the best (no matter where they head off to for college). God is good… Truly good.

Pillow Sac!!!

Today I had lunch with the lovely Megan Maguire. I was describing to her that I wanted to buy a LoveSac Pillowsac… After trying to describe it to her, I decided to just blog about it so that you all can see just what I’m considering buying…

THAT is a LoveSac PillowSac. And it is goodness in a bean bag. Problem is that is costs an arm and a leg… So here are the ways I’m rationalizing possibly buying it.

Pros…
1. It has a lifetime warranty.
2. Lindy and I can’t figure out a way to arrange our room so that we can both see the TV from our bed. Solution? PILLOWSAC
3. You can take the cover off and wash it so it won’t get all nasty from being on the floor.
4. The cover is made to be 18 in shorter than the actual PillowSac. This allows for the beanbag to be more moldable BUT when you take it out? IT’S THE SIZE OF A MATTRESS. Meaning, when people come to Norman to hang out and need a place to crash? PILLOWSAC.
5. I have wanted a LoveSac for many years now.

Cons…
1. Takes up a lot of space.
2. It costs, like I said, an arm and a leg.

STILL, I am considering using some of that blessed graduation money for this amazing piece of furniture which I am sure would be like sitting on a cloud. Any thoughts?

New Job

Well, school starts very soon… I move in two weeks from today. I’ve been frantically searching for a job, applying anywhere from the Gap to Hobby Lobby to Earth Cafe. Then, today, while I was in Norman searching for new places to apply, a job totally fell into place. It was one of those amazing God things. I had been getting pretty discouraged about the whole job thing because I’d applied at a good number of places over the span of a week yet hadn’t heard from any of them. While I applied in Earth Cafe (which by the way, if any of you guys are going to OU, it’s a pretty nifty little place), Mom was looking around in a place called the Antique Garden. After I applied, I went in and met the owners. Right off the back I felt very comfortable with them. By the time I was getting ready to leave they were telling me to come hang out there anytime and to make it my home, something I fully intended to do. At the last minute Mom told me I should ask if they ever hired students. When I did, the owner asked me what I liked to do. I kind of thought it was a trick question. After all the place sells mostly clothes and antiques so I felt like I should say I was interested in fashion, buuut I decided to be honest. I explained I love photography and literature and I paint and do little crafts for fun. BINGO. Apparently they have started this little on the side wholesale business where they make things like magnet boards and keychains and random crap like that. Right now they are focusing a lot on sorority stuff, but they recently sold 400 of these keychains wholesale at the market. ANYWAYS, they are wanting to expand and have been looking for creative people to help do the work and think of new ideas. They also have been looking for someone to photograph the products for their website. All that to say… It’s a perfect job. The hours are flexible, I’ll be doing what I love, and I’ll be getting to see the workings of a small business so that I can hopefully apply that to a bookstore someday. I’m uber pumped. God really had a plan all along. I just wanted to share my good news with anyone who reads this (if anyone even does). ALSO, I wanted to share the etsy shop I recently set up. Check it out. And if you have an account, support me by favoriting me! Check it out by clicking HERE.

In the Depths

I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. The lyrics to the song “Imagination” by Bethany Dillon applies more than ever right now…

I need to be reminded of who I was
When I took my first steps out the door
All I said now follows me around
I’m reminded I’m not like that anymore

Isn’t that just like a finite mind
Setting out with such righteous indignation
But now I’m at your feet
Could you look at me with some imagination

So remind me why you woke me up
And why you wake me every morn
The staff in my hand
Held in by your love
Just stay close, stay close

Because I know my own mind
I set out with righteous indignation
But when I’m at your feet
Please look at me with some imagination
With some imagination

Dementia and Reminiscence…

I’ve spent nearly my entire weekend going through and scanning pictures from my birth until now.  It’s been both joyful and saddening.  I laughed at pictures and memories from my childhood; I cried about things I can’t change.  I watched as the light slowly went out of my Papa’s eyes as the years passed.  Today I listened to him stutter as he prayed for the meal and wondered how many more of those prayers I’ll be blessed enough to hear… Or if that’s the last.  Dementia is an ugly thing.  No one deserves to die in that way.  No one deserves to have their independence or their memories taken from them.  It’s hard for me to understand how you could live your life loving God only to die with a mind so scrambled that you can’t utter a prayer.  It’s heart breaking, and I hate it.  I looked at many pictures with my cousin who was once my best friend.  We now almost never talk.  I regret that.  I saw childlike innocence in my eyes.  I miss that.  I saw Reagan and I growing up together.  I don’t want to see her go.  I saw the look on my daddy’s face as he gazed at me for the first time.  I don’t want to move out.  I want to be a child again.  I’m not ready to grow up…